SWIM TEAM

It's hard to believe that Nico is going to be 10 years old this year, and although he has been in the pool since he was 6 months beginning with Mommy & Me Classes, it's been such an amazing experience this year watching him swim.  We started swim Team when he was just 7 and although he could swim the length of the pool it was a slow start, but he was learning his stokes and getting faster each meet.  This Fall, being almost 9 years old he had to be in the 9 and under mark, which meant no more 25m he has to do 50m....which was intimidating at first.  The first meet, he rocked it and although he didn't win it was a great meet and he was so excited!!!!  As were we, the Season went on and by the end of the 4 months he improved over 15 seconds on both freestyle and backstroke which I couldn't believe was possible in his 1st year of 50m.

I never thought when we started this so young, and went through his Pike class for over a year without passing that he would love swimming as much as he does.  It's funny I look back and one of the conversations I had with his swim teacher when was 3-4 years old, I was like, what's going on he has been in the pool for a year and he can't get it.....he laughed and said don't you worry he'll get it and funny thing is we took a session off and he got it the next time.  We would joke he is going to be a pike forever....such good memories.

Here we are Fall swim season is over and although it's nice to have a few months off, we'll still be in the pool either private lessons or regular lessons and it's so amazing to watch him love a sport so much.  I hope one day he'll look back and think what fun memories and lessons learned although it's not a team sport the are very much a team. 

Very proud of the young man Nico has become and the awesome swimmer he is!  Can't wait to see what Summer Swim Team brings and hoping to start a new adventure in the diving world......so many opportunities to learn new things.  Just hoping he continues to love swimming as much as he does today and he knows how proud of all the goals he set and achieved in such a short period of time!

Until our next swim adventure.....

Happy 2016!!!

This blog was started after I became Nico's Mom, because that's who I was, who I am and will always be and it was a way to journal my thoughts and feelings about motherhood, life and just anything I cared to write about.

And then August 11, 2012 happened, and a piece of my heart was lost......I lost someone whom I was very close too and although I had no regrets I never got to say goodbye......I think when we lose someone we love, a piece of us goes with them a piece that stays with them until we meet again.  He wasn't my father, he wasn't my husband, he wasn't my child or close relative but he was Family someone who I truly connected with and who truly knew how to ground me when I was being stupid, and when that was gone it was like my life was turned upside down.

Now here we are almost 4 years later, and although I miss him and think of him every single day I am starting to come to terms he is no longer going to be here other than in spirit until the day we meet again, and I know that when we do he'll understand everything that has happened was out of my control.  We did the best we could in the circumstances we were dealt, and it's not fair that he's gone and definitely was to soon but I have to tell myself I can't change was God's will and I have to trust God's decision to take a Man whom my son cries for still and whom will never be able to teach him the life lessons he has taught me to make me somewhat of the person I am today....

It's time, time to try to move forward because what I know is there will be never a day that goes by that we don't think of him, or a day that will go by that I won't tear up when I hear his name or think of memories on what was, but it's time to start living life for the things I loved, and writing is one of those things and so much a part of who I am.  Our lives move forward, but the pain of missing him will never go away but time heals all wounds and that time has come.

So this year, I am not going to make resolutions to write, read or scrapbook more but I am going to try because these are things that make me, me.......different from others.   I have so much to live life for my wonderful family who I adore more than life itself, true friends who take me for me and have hung in their through all the crap and the ones that were lost......lost because they were never friends and I see more clearly now. 

I am truly thankful to all my Friends, Family and boys who have stuck around through it all.....you all know who you are!

Happy 2016 All, and I hope to be back here in the future...or not.....no commitment means I can't disappoint.

When did we become a society that is so self centered and mean??  When I was growing up my Mom taught me to be nice to everyone, but not let people walk all over me and use me.  It just seems as I get older the more people aggravate me, and I know that I am not always right because I am sure I aggravate people myself but why is this world turned into what can you do for me??

I am a middle class Mom who had a child late in life, and I am really not that old but for most of my friends they have teenagers getting ready to drive where I am just trying to get my son through second grade.  As a middle class family we do OK, we live in a nice neighborhood, drive decent cars, have nice things and are able to go on vacation without going bankrupt which is where I like to be....but and here it is I feel like I know more mean, self-centered people around me then I do true, honest friends and those few I do have I cherish with all my heart.  It just seems like the people around me are always angling to stab people in the back or just be plain mean. 

People don't say please and thank you much anymore, don't hold doors for people, let people out of parking lots or just be nice and smile.  It's all about getting to the next place the fastest (I am sure there is a prize for that) or so wrapped around their phones like it's keeping them alive if they put it in their pocket or look away for a moment.  The phones have gotten out of control and I am one of them I have my phone next to me at all times and I swear if I go more than a few minutes without looking at it, it might walk away.....sometimes I think at night after Nico is sleeping did I even put my phone down tonight?  Talk about Mommy guilt......and I say I am going to do better, but like the rest of America there it is right next me.

I find now in schools we are adapting to those who are mean and saying it's OK......if you make fun of another kid I am sure you were just kidding, and then when the kids threatens another kid because he has been made fun of everyday, it wasn't my kids fault it was his.  Can you imagine having a terrible home life and then coming to school to be made fun of every single day or told you can't play with the "cool" kids.  I wonder why the "cool" kids think they are so cool or how they go their "cool" status.....who makes the rules??  If one kid would stand up to the "cool" kid and say nope I don't want to play with you, how would they feel?  Prolly as low as the kid they have been picking on, but kids are kids and I get that but it's become more than that because they don't wear the right clothes or their parents can't afford the right shoes...I truly wish all schools would wear uniforms everyone wearing the exact same thing down to the shoes.  That would solve a ton of problems....but that's another post for another day.

I think a smile or come play with me to a kid who is mean, would make all the difference...I always tell Nico you don't have to be their best friend but if you don't show it bothers you and walk away they will eventually get the hint you are not weak and leave you alone.  I am very fortunate everyone loves my son, he is the sweetest, kindest kid you will meet not one mean bone in his body.  I am not saying that because he is my kid, but it's the honest truth.  When he was 5 and older boys were picking on him, I said we don't play with mean kids, his response but I want to play with the mean kids....he really didn't know what mean meant, and honestly I don't know today if he does.  He is all about having fun and being nice.  How this happened I don't know..he surely didn't get it from me....I am not a nice person, but I taught my child to be nice and hopefully his kindness someday will rub off on someone.

We all need to step back and take a look at ourselves and realize what a small act of kindness will do to a persons day, and to those who are mean, stupid and backstabbing...I have no use for you and I will let you talk and complain but the smile on my face and the no response means I truly have no use for you in my life.  All you are doing is making children who are products of their parents.  I have never met a mean kid in my life that has nice, wonderful parents....they learn what they are taught.  I know I am by no means the nicest person in the world, but I do know that I don't allow my son to see my worst and I know that one day he'll realize that being nice gets you more places than being mean, and he will maybe change the world.

I am truly blessed with family and friends who truly love me and my family for who we are, having only a handful of true, honest friends is more important to me than having a ton of non-true friends.  This isn't a contest who at the end of your life has the most friends, it's who was the kindest, true person they can be.  That's how I life my life, and I don't put up with people who are ignorant and self-centered.

Stop for a moment and see what kind of person you are and remember a little bit of kindness can go a long way.

Until our next "kindness" adventure......

Dearest Nico,

I can’t believe you are turning 8!!  Where did the time go, this year is a big year for you NO more booster seat,  you are officially a Big Boy!!  I am so proud of you and the little man you have become; you are such a sweet boy who is always a good friend and the best son we could ask for!

This year was an exciting year in school and sports for you.  You completed the 1^st Grade with flying colors and your reading went up 2 levels, we are so proud of you!!!  You amaze me every day when we read together your favorite Magic Tree House book series, the words you learn every day to read is unbelievable.  You also had the best teacher, Mrs. Vonortas, who you adore and adored you so much it’s so cute when you come home and tell me that you stopped by her room in the morning.  You truly are so fortunate to be at Middlebranch where they take care of you all while molding your mind.   Joining the swim team was also a huge milestone for you, you competed for the first time and did awesome we couldn’t be more proud of you and all you have accomplished this year.  It brings tears to my eyes when we watch you swim as we couldn’t be more proud of you.   You also made your first goal this year in Soccer and lead your team with the most goals of the season, 3 so far!!  The look on your face is something I will never forget in my entire life, and we were so proud of you!!!!

This year we also took our first big road trip for our family vacation and how much fun we had driving 2320 miles down the East Coast.  It was a great adventure we will never forget, and all the fun things we did at SeaWorld and spent time with family and great friends!   Remember friends can be as important as family, so remember to treat them as such!  You are so blessed to have so many people in your life who truly love you.

We are so blessed to have such a WONDERFUL son who we love with all our hearts, who is the kindest most loving person I have ever met.  You are such a great friend to everyone and are always thinking of others before yourself.  You are our world who we love more each and every day, if that’s possible!  Always remember, no matter the problem we are always here and love you so very much.

So Happy 8^th Birthday Baby Boy, we can’t wait to see what fun adventures we get into this year and beyond!!!

We love you to the moon and back,

Mommy & Daddy

 

 

A Moment in Time

A moment in time, everyone I think has that one moment in life that they never forget.  I don't mean that moment in time the world stopped when the Trade Center fell, although it was tragic and I will never forget it.....that's not the moment I am talking about, it's the moment when time stops.  My moment happened on August 11th, 2012.....

It was a lazy summer morning when Nico had spent the night at my Dad's and I was in no hurry to do anything but be lazy.  Daddy was off to work and I was watching "Ghost Whisperer", it was one of my favorite shows and they were having a marathon. 

Now normally this would not even be a day to even blog about, but that's when my cell rang and I thought it was just a good morning call from Daddy......when I could hear the tears in his voice and the "are you sitting down" question was said I knew something was wrong.  You see Daddy calls from time to time to say good morning to see what we were up to while he is on duty, but this was different something was wrong and what he said next I could of never imagined......

He said, " I got a call from Mom, Gary passed away yesterday"......my body went numb, my heart was pounding and the first thing I could possibly say is "what?" and he had to say it again and my brain finally put the words together to realize and all I could do was cry and say I had to go.....this possibly couldn't be happening he was only 53 years old and full of life.  I don't remember much of what happened next but as my numb hands dialed the numbers of my Mom and closest friends it was unreal that this was happening, how could it be true and why? 

I think I was in shock, and my hands and brain couldn't get together to be able to dial Daddy back...once I did he wanted to dial 911 he was afraid for me but I pulled through....what other choice did I have.  I was so hurt, my heart broken and mad how could this had happened......Gary and I always had the agreement that he would tell me when he traveled and where he was going because I had to keep track of him......I truly never thought it would come true and we'd have to track him in any other way but by his emails.

For the days to come I didn't want to get out of bed, I watched our son cry himself to sleep and asking when was he coming back???  How could I expect my 5 year old to understand when my mind truly didn't understand.....and I kept thinking no one should have to bury a parent at 33 years old and his life was just starting...16 years of knowing him wasn't enough, it wasn't enough time.

My reality hit me when my Mom took me aside and said, "Nico asked me why Mommy is crying all the time, and that he cries because I am."  That was like a slap in the face, I knew it was time to get out of bed and no matter how hard it was to come to the reality he was never coming back, and although I know we'll meet again the reality of living this life without him broke my heart.

Gary and I were very close, I always kept tabs on him and he always gave me a different perspective on things that maybe I was being ridiculous about.....he never told me no, but always in a way of lets look at it this way.....we'll almost never he did tell me no when I wanted to drive to Baltimore one time in the middle of the night...we would email back and forth, and when he was in the States I always made sure that he stopped to see us even if it was just for dinner.  These last few years I made sure we took a week and went to stay with him, and it was something I will cherish for the rest of life.  The talks, laughs......his laugh was one if you heard it you'd never forget it and fun, memorable moments I am so fortunate that Nico and all of us got to experience.

I have had people tell me that I'll get over it and I have had others say I'll never get over it......I think both are true, when I speak or think his name even this many months later it brings tears to my eyes.  At this point I am not ready to let anything go, and in time I am sure things will get easier....just to many things have happened and I am angry......I am finally admitting that I am angry, angry he is gone, angry he left us, angry we didn't get to say goodbye.....

Do I have regrets, I truly don't I said and did everything I wanted too.....would I have loved to have more time with him, absolutely but I live my life for the moment and I say and do what I mean at this moment, I did with Gary and my last email with him was that he was leaving for Africa, he wanted to let me know to keep tabs on him.....as I always did I told him to have a safe trip, let me know when he returned and that we loved and missed him very much.....after what I thought was longer than it should of been I emailed him and I found he had opened it but didn't respond....three days later he was gone.....do I wish he would have, absolutely......do I regret he didn't nope he like me said everything he needed to the last time we talked.....nothing left unsaid......

So this one moment on August 11th, 2012 is one that will rock my core for the rest of my life, but trying to move on has been the hardest thing I have had to do in my life and although I haven't completely....I am hoping little by little it will get easier.  I know in my heart he would of never wanted me to not move on with my life but when someone is so wrapped up in it, it's hard not to look at your phone or email thinking they might appear... and then for that second have the reality come back and slap you in the face.......when I realize he is gone......

It's time to remember the good times, the laughs, the memories, the stories so I can pass on his legacy to my son and tell him what a great man he really was and he is someone that will always be in our hearts and on our minds until we meet again.  As my Mom always says "The Good Die Young", and he definitely was one of the great ones.......maybe not by fame or fortune but was a rock star to all who knew and loved him. 

Rest in Peace, Gary.  Gone but never forgotten..........

Our Beloved Athena
January 27, 2000-July 16, 2013

 

 

Athena came into our family April of 2000, she was my 22nd birthday present when we were living in NC.  She was just 4 months old when she picked us to be her parents.....she was so tiny and lovable how could we not take her home that very day.  I never thought I could love a pet as much as I loved our Athena, and she was our first "baby" one that was spoiled rotten from the start.  She was almost 7 years old when we brought Nico home and from the start she showed nothing but unconditional love and protection for her new little playmate. 

 

Athena was the best puppy a family could ask for, she truly was a kind soul who we miss every single day.  There isn't a day that we don't think or speak her name.....she is truly missed.  But as much as it hurts, we all know she is waiting for us in Heaven and no longer in pain. 

 

 

 

Until we meet again in Heaven Sweet Athena.  Rest in Peace.

 

 

As Nico always says, we love you to Heaven and Back Athena,