CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

It is interesting to me to think about how innocent and wonderful a baby has made our lives. I never thought going into last Christmas season that here would we would be celebrating Christmas with our perfect little baby boy. Who this year has only brought joy and happiness in our lives, even when the little stinker won't go to sleep or throws up on my clothes right as I am ready to walking out the door. And so are his crazy parents who are playing this game of parenthood step by step wondering how we can be the best parents and hoping that we don't mess up his life. Even though thi s year he is just almost 3 months old, it will still be exciting to wake up on Christmas morning, getting him up and running downstairs to see what's under the tree from Santa. In reality it's all for us and the memories of his first Christmas with many, many more to come but I am more excited this Christmas then I have ever been since I can remember. It seems like I am counting down the minutes until we can tear open the presents that we bought him and even though I know what they are, the excitement in my eyes will only make him smile, which in turn will melt my heart. He is innocent and kind that making him smile everyday is my goal and to hear him laugh or talk to me in an unknown language makes me want to hold him close to my heart and love him in a way that I never knew until the birth of my little angel.

So when everyone is opening their gifts on Christmas morning, I will be soaking up every minute and cherishing those "little" moments that come with being mommy even if he is only smiling because in his mind he is thinking....are these really my parents??

WE'VE BECOME ONE OF THOSE FAMILIES.....

We'll it's funny how in an instant things change and how your life changes and you become "one of those families". When Bryan and I use to go out to a restaurant we use to always get stuck sitting next to one of those screaming kids who all through dinner their parents didn't seem to hear them yelling, kicking and screaming and I thought not my kid....we'll here we are with our precious little angel and although ninety percent of the time he is really good, he has his moments. It seems those moments come right when you least expect it, like in a restaurant right when you are taking your first bite of hot tasty food. Then here it comes, the scream that goes through you like fingernails down a chalkboard. And I always wondered why people that had kids like that went out to eat? Now I have finally realized that they do it to keep their sanity and to enjoy themselves, even if their precious little angel is shreaking like you just took his favorite toy away or he lost his best friend.

So I have become to have a respect and understanding for those parents that at one time I looked over at them like what the heck is wrong with you bringing your "bad" child out in public because I have now been in their shoes. When the child starts screaming you just want to curl in a ball and die because everyone must be looking at you, when really only a few don't understand the rest of us are looking at you out of sympathy knowing we all have been there. So the next time I hear a screaming child and it's not mine I just want to say we all are "one of those families" and no worries once the child figures out no one cares if they throw a fit or not, they will stop and you can finally enjoy that tasty, hot...we'll warm bite you craved.

We have all been there and those that haven't, one day you will and you'll understand what I mean when you become one of those families.

IDENTITY

Now that my precious little angel, at least now when he is sitting in his bouncer and listening to his Baby Einstein CD, is being content it gives me a moment to reflect on this last month...

It's funny how in a sense I have lost my identity as me and have become Nicolas' Mom. It seems the first thing out of everyone's mouth is how is Nicolas doing today or did he sleep last night? Not how are you today? Which in a sense I don't really mind because he is so special but it's funny how times change so quickly. That sometimes you get lost in the shuffle of everyone wanting to see him and you can't really prepare for it or expect it until it happens. Then you think when was the last time that I did something for myself? Probably not since he was born, but then I think he is depending on me for everything what can I really expect? When my Mom calls and asks how he is doing I jokingly say he is fine and so am I...she just laughs and says of course you are. It is pretty funny how fast life changes for the better of course and without any notice I have become Nicolas' Mom and will be known as that for the rest of my life here on earth. And truly wouldn't want it any other way.

So anyone who doesn't have children, once they do they will understand when I introduce my new self as Nicolas' Mom.

BECOMING MOMMY

It's funny how I look back now to 2005 and see all the frustrations and hurting I did when we tried for over a year to have a baby, to where we are now with our precious little angel. I was beginning to think that being a Mommy was not in the cards for me and wondering why I was being punished?? Everytime someone would tell me they were pregnant I would put a smile on my face and suck it up, when really inside I was crying out thinking...why not me? 2005 was a year I truly want to forget between not becoming pregnant and some other family issues, but 2006 started out with a bang....there is never a dull moment in our lives.

On January 23rd of this year, we were going to buy a new truck that Bryan had found and HAD to have :) and something just didn't feel right, I had been feeling sick and tired but thought it was just my head playing games with me again...but when we got home we realized it wasn't and FINALLY we were going to have a baby!!! I couldn't keep my emotions to myself and I knew that I couldn't tell ANYONE because maybe it was a hoax or something like that and I couldn't dare start telling people to have to tell them it was a mistake. So we kept it to ourselves until my first doctors appointment only telling my very best friend, Terri.

So finally we were going to have a baby and I guess it didn't really hit me until a month into it when we had to go to the hospital because I was having complications and I truly thought this was it. We had tried so hard only to have him taken away from us in an instant, which really made me realize that we as human beings have no control over anything and that it is all in God's hands. So all we can do is pray to God that everything is going to be ok and that there is a plan for everything whether we understand it or not. Fortunately for us it was only a false alarm and we continued on with caution knowing life is very precious.
I guess that's what I have learned throughout out this process of becoming Mommy is that no matter what we think or want to do, it's really not in our hands and we have to take each moment for what it is because it can be taken away from us in an instant without any notice. I love being Mommy and can't imagine my life without him even though it's only been 25 days that we have had the honor of being his Mommy and Daddy.