ANSWERS

I know that many have asked me the ultimate question of "how are you doing" and I give them the answer they want to hear...."I am OK" because it's easier for me and easier for them to deal with then the actual truth. And not that I am lying because I am not, I am OK and actually I am in a totally better spot then most and at least I am at a point in my life where life can suck some days but really it could be much worse or I couldn't be here writing this post, but I regress.........so let's start from the beginning for those who know the story or don't at least when I say I am doing "OK" you understand what I mean........

To say when it began no one knows, I was probably born with the the malformation and brain anyeriusm...I tease my Mom and tell if she had laid off the alcohol maybe then I wouldn't be in this spot, but she knows I don't mean it....it's a way to laugh at a bad situation. But again I regress........In Sept/Oct 2007 my left side started to go numb and tingly which at first I thought I just laid on it wrong or something so I let it go not telling anyone. I had an almost one year old who needed my attention and I didn't have a family doctor so who had time to deal with nothing, right? It continued on for a couple of weeks, so I decided after work one day to go to Stat Care to see what was up.....we'll that was a huge mistake, the doctor took a paperclip and pressed it on my arm and leg, and then looked me over and said I am not sure but let's take some blood and see what's up. That's when the tests began, as he proceeded to scare the heck out of me by telling me that I had lopus or MS or something I can't even remember because it ran in people my age...great now here I am 29 years old and they are saying I have a disease...heck other than giving birth, I had never been to the doctor!

With that scare and not being impressed with that doctor, I called our friend Kiki who told me to make an appointment and that she would get the results from the other doctor. I went in thinking this is nothing, and she was awesome not assuming anything but ordering an MRI and more blood work I think which still I am thinking, I am a healthy 29 year old this is ridiculous I don't need all these tests, but my Mom and I went to the hospital to get my first MRI which went OK but I was exhausted as it was scheduled at 11PM....but we were laughing and having fun as we waited for my turn. The results came back a week or so later and Kiki had to break the news that although she thought I had MS, I didn't and that they found a brain aneurysm that I thought she had said was 3mm but now I am not sure and she had to refer me to a neurologist, which OK now I am thinking I am gonna die remembering the first calling hours I went to when I was 13 was for a family friend who died of a brain aneurysm but of course she told me not to worry......

I got to my first appointment with my neurologist and he informed me that my aneurysm was actually 8mm and that he would have to refer me to a neurosurgeon who would decide how to proceed, which OK in a matter of weeks I went from never seeing a doctor to know having specialists and a neurosurgeon!! My first appointment with the surgeon he informed me since it was over 5mm that operating on it was necessary and that if I didn't ever year the percentage went up by 1% so assuming at this point I had it at birth, we were at 29% already...which when it comes to your brain isn't good statistics....although he wasn't truly worried about having emergency surgery, we scheduled it for Jan 11th, 2008. Now never having any surgery in my life to having a c-section with my monster headed baby..LOL....I was so nervous and unsure how this was going to end up, but of course it went fine after a few complications and a run to the ER after coming home from being stupid but we don't need to go there...........

After surgery life seemed to be going well, I was recovering back to work and life was normal again or so I thought....now mind you and I don't think I mentioned along with the aneurysm they found a chairi malformation that they assumed was causing the numbness but weren't going to do anything until it got worse and/or the aneurysm was taken care of. Then at the blue the migraines started in April 2008 and when you go the ER and they see you had aneurysm surgery people start to freak out...I don't know why but they do, to see their faces is almost like pity.....So I was C-scanned 7 times after repeated trips to the hospital and given medicine after medicine that didn't work to the point of one causing me to loose so much weight they had to take me off of it.

Then the numbness came back and worse than ever, so back to the neurologist who sent me back to the neurosurgeon...do you see a pattern...and the decision came to do surgery on the chairi malformation hoping it would help the headaches but he was truly unsure. Surgery was scheduled for after Nico's birthday as I was not going to be down and out for my son's 2nd birthday. All went well there and this time I didn't end back up at the ER being stupid but after a couple of weeks after the surgery the headaches came back and I am sure they were always there but being so drugged up on pain pills I didn't feel them or maybe they left and came back, no one knows.....

So let's fast forward to finish up this story....currently I am on my 3, 4, or 5th medicine for migraine prevention which hasn't worked..I don't even know anymore. My family doctor has no idea what to do with me, my head hurts every single day with migraines occurring about once a week to the point of not being able to function without medication. I don't feel good all the time, I am grumpy and irritable at times and even irritated for no reason. It's not because someone has done something, but because I just don't feel good...and think of the last time you had a horrible headache and you felt, that's how I feel almost everyday. So do I have an attitude my Mom tells me I do....yea I do because I don't feel good and people irritate me more than they normally would. I am at the point of giving up, and realizing this is gonna be the rest of my life which is really sad but then I think it could be worse I could of not survived and that's what I try to tell myself but it's hard. I have been given a second chance but man is this second chance hard, and I don't mean I am not grateful to God everyday for allowing me to see my son grow up but man is it hard.

So there it is my story of when I say I am "OK" that's what I am "OK" trying to get through another day with a headache and now I am waiting for a new neurologist who specializes in migraines to accept me as a patient and hoping that he is my new light of hope of living a day without a headache.

Thank you to all of those who have supported and loved me through this time, if I have hurt you or not given you the whole truth it was never the intention it's just how I deal with things and right or wrong, you all mean the world to me....never forget that.